IM BACK...

On April 26, 2025, my grandmother, Charity Belle, passed away. Today is her birthday — January 29, 2026. It’s the first heavenly birthday since she’s been gone, and I think I’m finally ready to say the things I’ve been holding in.

I know what you might be thinking — honestly, I know what I would think if I were reading this. “Your last post was in November of 2022… that doesn’t line up with when your grandmother passed.” And you’d be right. So let’s rewind a bit, because my life didn’t suddenly fall apart in 2025. It’s been unraveling, stretching, and reshaping itself for a long time — really, ever since the pandemic.

In 2022, I finally ended a toxic relationship, only to fall into another one that lasted until early 2024. I moved in and out of an apartment that drained me in every possible way — emotionally, financially, physically, and spiritually. I found myself back home, sitting in the quiet pain of growing up. The kind of pain most millennials know well: realizing you’re not where you thought you’d be, not when you thought you’d be there.

What made it harder was realizing that even people I considered “successful” — the house-on-the-hill people, the picture-perfect marriage-and-kids people — were struggling too, just in quieter ways. Every time I thought I was about to figure something out, the universe handed me another lesson instead. From 2019 to 2024, no matter how hard I tried to be happy, I couldn’t quite close the gap. College was over. Responsibilities had arrived. I wasn’t making enough to sustain a business, and I wasn’t standing my ground emotionally the way I should have been. I’m only now starting to feel like I’m waking up — and that didn’t really happen until I turned 30 this past December.

Through all of that, one thing never stopped: I never stopped cooking. I never stopped loving food. What I did stop was sharing it. As someone who’s deeply organized and creative, I put myself into boxes when I should have been exploring. I was trying to copy a model that didn't resonate with me and it wasn't genuine. And just when I finally started to loosen up — to play, to experiment, to understand what content creation could actually be for me — my grandmother died. Along with her brother, Leroy, his wife, Mary and my aunt, Letha. All in a 2 week time span..

And for the first time in 20+ years, I stopped cooking. Every time I walked into the kitchen to get a drink, I shuddered. I spent hundreds on Door Dash and let my new boyfriend cook for me. I could assemble things like crackers and cheese or sandwiches... but I couldn't chop or stir or flip or blend...

Shortly after that, I lost what I truly believed was my first healthy relationship in August. I thought things were finally looking up. I was excited — hopeful, even — about hosting a dinner party in October that we had planned together. That never happened. I felt so low.

Instead, I found myself back at my mom’s house again. But this time, I made a quiet promise to myself to experience as much joy as I could in the middle of the heartache. I traveled to Chicago to spend time with my cousin and reconnect after more than fifteen years. Leroy and Mary were her grandparents, and being there felt like touching a piece of family history I didn’t know I needed.

I pushed myself out of my comfort zone with friends and built even stronger bonds. I rekindled a friendship that had been silent since college — even the last year of high school. The list of small, meaningful reconnections goes on. And through all of it — most importantly — I cooked.

I cried the entire time. I took breaks. I stepped away and came back again and again. But for the first time since my grandmother passed, I let myself feel the grief instead of outrunning it. And somehow, in the middle of that, cooking found its way back to me too.

Can people go through things and stay on top of content and posts? Yes.

Should you separate emotions and business? Depends.

Is that what I intended when I created BYP? Absolutely not, we are real over here.

Did I want it to be a ghosting situation? Heck no.

There is so much that isn't present or explained in this post. That will have to be okay because this journey is extremely personal and fresh for me.. I have had 3 years to myself to ponder on grief, life, and relationships. I have had 30 years to ponder Caity and ask myself what is it that I want and like. It is important to me to say these things out loud NOW because I have not communicated well with my community and supporters..I ran away because I didn't expect it to hurt that hard. But at the end of the day, I LOVE food and cooking. I want to record that for myself whether it is well-received, consistent, polished or not. I owe it to my grandmother to never let the muscle memory — or the love of making a home-cooked meal — slip from my grasp again.

If you are able to take anything from what this piece means and where The Big Yellow Pot is going... just know, IM BACK.

Stay tuned. February 2026

Sincerely,

Caity Crews

Founder, Writer, Chef

The BIG Yellow Pot

yes, i am corny.